Relating Well is Good for You

by Michael Spyker

Someone once said, 'we live in a relational universe.' Now there's a statement for you that would have every scientist call you completely loony. Everyone knows that the universe holds together by the laws of physics. And of course it does. But we also know that what you sow is what you will reap. If you treat the earth badly things will get out of balance. Climate change is the latest huge concern that shows this clearly. The modern world is encouraged to relate to the environment with care and sensitivity. How many species are lost each year? How much is taken from the earth without it ever being replaced, like oil? 'One day', a religious scholar proclaimed, 'Mother Earth will hit back.' That's not out of the question. What I like about this statement is that the term Mother Earth makes relational sense to me. It fits, somehow, with how I exist. Hopefully there is enough artistic and spiritual temperament within you that you too can identify with this statement.

   Dogs are among the most loyal and personal animals around. It's amazing how a dog enjoys a kind word and the stroking of its fur. How much this helps the dog is clearly noticeable. Mistreat it and you will find yourself with one of the most miserable and angry animals around. Relating well to animals is important. Wherever you look, it seems that the relational side of life clearly matters. Spiritual people have long recognized this. To some the western approach on dominance that allows for the treatment of creation in whatever way it suits the human being best is quite foreign. Australian Aborigine people take the view that they belong to the earth rather than the earth to them. The earth cares for them. Before labeling this as overly primitive one does well to consider where life as we know it comes from. It originates and returns to the dust of the earth. The molecules in my life one day may have belonged to the dinosaurs.

   How many of our TV shows and movies don't have the topic of relating as a prime mover in the script? Most of them do. If they can play on our fantasies the chance of the show being a success is high. If it becomes naughty or relationally aggressive the ratings are even more inclined to be good. No wonder so much is written that tantalizes the imagination and stretches the boundaries continually. This kind of entertainment isn't real great for wellbeing in people, but hey, who cares? Those who do are considered wowsers or behind the times. That society is becoming increasingly self-centered and lonely because of regressive relational practices is of no concern to the media which is out to make as many bucks for their airtime as possible. Hype is good -the normal way of life - seems to be the modern approach to reality. Hopefully some balance will be brought into this nonsense for the sake of future generations.

   The question is, of course, where the wisdom for relating well is best obtained. One such source is Christianity. Not that the Christian faith hasn't made some real blunders over the years in this area and still is doing so. A long list could be written out about its shortcomings. If anything it shows how difficult it is to achieve healthy relational dynamics consistently in private and in a social environment even if you profess to follow solid advice. Some of that advice may greatly differ though, depending on who you are talking to. Take the question of whether women should be allowed to become priests. Oh dear, what is of no problem at all in the one section of the Christian church is a huge problem in another section. And that's only one of the relational problems the church is wrestling with. Relating well is difficult and let no-one suggest otherwise. Still, we'd better get a handle on it somehow for it affects everyone and everything we are in contact with. What might be the fundamentals of good relating in all circumstances? Are there such basic principles, or is the whole thing somewhat arbitrary similar to situational ethics? The answer is: yes, there are three fundamental principles in relating and these are not difficult to understand.

   Let's for a moment return to the statement that, 'we live in a relational universe.' Actually the intent of this comment reaches deeper than what we have discussed thus far. It includes more than just the practical side of relating and caring. It refers to the fact that somehow a relational dynamic as been placed into the essence of creation, of the earth. I have touched on that before in Icebergs, Spirituality and Religion the free download from our website. There I explained that evil, or sin, had embedded itself into the very fabric of creation. Evil is relational but of a totally negative kind. There is another relational dynamic in creation and it is the dynamic of love. Love and sin fight each other for supremacy. From a human perspective this is known in life as people having 'a knowledge of good and evil.' Everyone experiences that. That love and sin dwell in the very essence of creation, of the world, is a mystical statement. It is not scientifically verifiable and why should it be? The spiritual is full of mystery and not therefore untrue in what it perceives. The spiritual realm is a huge arena of opposing forces which is distinct from matter but involved with it.

   'God is love,' Apostle John writes. It is the shortest and most profound explanation of what God is about. God doesn't put on love when it seems appropriate, but God is love. You may remember from Icebergs, Spirituality and Religion that everything that is created has been created in God. If God is love then it follows that the power of love is present and at work in creation. What God's love is like in its fullness no human being can come close to imagining. It's so very much more powerfully a force than human love. And yet, human love is a reflection of it. Everyone craves to be loved. To be really in love is the best feeling in the world. A lack of love in life dries up the soul. Unfortunately love is not that easily found, while much of what masquerades as love is no more than the ripple on the surface of a pond. There is no depth to it. The opposite relational dynamic can be blamed for that. One that is selfish and superficial and demoralizing. The powers of love and sin, or good and evil, are constantly at loggerheads in the world and within people. That's why real love is so hard to find. It's a struggle to express love sufficiently. It's not just a struggle, many people have no idea what real love actually is, how it is expressed. Are there ways in which one can detect whether a relational dynamic is truly positive or quite negative? How is that best done? Some helpful insights are available which find their origin in the Trinity - Father, Son and Holy Spirit. (For an explanation of Trinity see Icebergs, Spirituality and Religion.

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